The past 8 months have been a long and challenging period for me. No, I’m not talking about the Detroit winter although that WAS long! If you’re new to my blog, I’ve been dealing with a vocal polyp (you can read about my journey here and here). Thankfully, it looks like they are behind me. Today, I saw my Speech Pathologist and my Vocal Specialist ENT and they have given me the green light to begin the ramp up to my normal vocal use over the next month! That means by the middle of July, I’ll be able to lead an entire worship set. Between now and then, I need to build up my vocal stamina. It would similar to an athlete who has recovered enough from surgery to begin working out with the team again and playing in the game some, but maybe not starting and definitely not playing the whole game–yet.
I am so thankful for all of the prayers, phone calls, texts and Facebook messages from friends and family! It has been so encouraging to know that so many of you have been praying for me and my family during this trying time. It has affected so many things about our life, but God has been faithful to uphold and sustain us through this period. Safe to say I will not take a healthy voice for granted again!
I couldn’t help but think about the lyrics to this song by Matt Redman:
When the music fades and all is stripped away, and I simply come
longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless Your heart
I’ll bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what You have required
You search much deeper within through the way things appear
You’re looking into my heart
I’m coming back to the heart of worship and it’s all about You
It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it
When it’s all about you
It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m looking forward to taking my place on the stage next to my wife and lifting my healed voice up to God in praise!
After my vocal surgery on Monday, May 12th, I spent 4 days in complete vocal silence–no talking, no singing, no clearing my throat, no LOL (laughing out loud). That also meant no “I love yous” to my wife or kids. No “goodnights.” No “good mornings.” I even had a special message on the unlock screen of my phone (picture below) so I could inform people that I wasn’t just being rude when I didn’t speak to them. I did pre-record “I love you,” “goodnight,” “good morning” and a few other handy phrases in the Voice Memo app on my phone. My iPad served as my dry erase board when I needed to communicate. I also got by with charades (often, humorous) and sign language–I know most of the ASL alphabet (also humorous). A text-to-speech app was somewhat useful, but if I was involved in a conversation, usually by the time I had what I wanted to say typed, the subject had changed.
The most interesting time for communication was days 5-7 when I could speak 1 or 2 words at a time occasionally throughout the day. I found myself distilling my thoughts down to 2 words. After 4 days of silence, my first 2 words were saved for Suzanne: “love you.” That night, the whole family was gathered so I could say, “g’night, loveya.” (That’s 2 words, right?) According to Proverbs 17:27, I am pretty smart: “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint…” Just kidding!
It was actually easier to be totally silent than it was to speak at a level 2 (talkativeness scale from 1 to 7 with an average person being a 4). Suzanne and I went to a pastors and wives retreat during that time and it was difficult to be someone who “uses words with restraint”! I tend to be more of an introvert, but the retreat was held by the discipleship organization 3DM that we have been involved in for the past 2 years. It was difficult to restrain my words in talking with other leaders about my passion–discipleship!
Having to restrain my words did cause me to ponder what our world would be like if words were in limited supply. Ecclesiastes 5:2 says, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.” What if we only had a limited number of words we could say everyday? I’d like to think that gossip would become much less of an issue. Maybe people would be more trustworthy. One thing is for sure–if words were in limited supply, much more thinking would occur before speaking. And there would probably be much less hurt caused to others by our words. Are you willing to say with Solomon–the wisest man who ever lived–“let my words be few”?