thoughts after surgery

Today is the end of day 4! What does that mean? It means that this afternoon, I can start saying 1-2 word sentences! Yes, I have been under a prescribed “vow of silence” since I went into surgery around 1:15pm this past Monday, May 12th. The only thing I have been allowed to do with my voice is “a gentle attempt at a sigh for 20 seconds, 6-8 times a day.”

I guess it’s a good thing I’m an introvert, because it really hasn’t been that hard for me to be silent. It’s hard to not say “I love you” to your wife and kids, but at least they understand and they have your best interest at heart–they don’t want you to speak! The hard part is walking into a store by yourself and having to interact with salespeople. I created a simple message on the unlock screen of my iPhone that says, “I had surgery on my vocal cords so I can’t speak right now.” That way I can quickly flash my phone to someone so they know I’m not being rude!

The most awkward part is when you see people you know who also know you can’t speak but they just want to be nice and stand next to you. There’s this awkward silence because they don’t want to ask you any questions, but they don’t want to just walk away from you either!

The surgery appears to have been as successful as the surgeon had hoped–at least that’s what he told Suzanne. Although they sent me home with a prescription for liquid Vicodin, we never filled it. I’ve only taken a couple of Tylenol on two evenings before I went to bed so I could sleep without any pain. From the time I woke up from surgery, I had a sore throat–about like you’d have from a nasty cold. Each day it has gotten less severe and today, it feels practically normal.

The most encouraging thing has been all of the people sending texts, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls (to my wife), just to check up on me. It really has been wonderful to be on the receiving end of care from the Body of Christ. People have brought delicious meals and given us little care packages and we are all so appreciative of the demonstrations of love we have received!

It looks like I’ve definitely entered into a season of abiding even if it was forced up on me by a vocal polyp. Our rhythms have definitely changed. Now we just have to learn how to keep our rhythms a little more in balance. Thankfully, we’re headed into the summer months with school out and vacations on the calendar. I’m thankful for the time to be still and know that He is God!

approachable Father or Holy King?

The title of my blog is Perpetual Tension. I chose this title because of the many aspects of our faith that followers of Jesus must hold in healthy tension–being in the world but not of the world, trusting that Jesus was 100% God AND 100% man, etc. If we allow ourselves to lean one way or the other, we can become ineffective and out of balance.

Recently, I came to the realization of another such area that we must hold in a healthy tension. A few weeks ago I wrote a blog entitled The Father’s Character. It is based on a prayer method that uses The Lord’s Prayer to focus our own prayer time or prayer life. I learned this method as a part of the 3DM discipleship process I am currently a part of. This prayer method is detailed in that blog post so I won’t rehash it here, but it brought to light a tension that likely many believers might have out of balance in one direction or the other.

The Lord’s Prayer begins, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” That first sentence is the source of a significant tension between viewing God as Father and God as King.

First, Jesus instructs us to pray to God our Father in heaven. This is by design as it speaks to us of the approachable nature of God. In other passages of Scripture, we are called the sons and daughters of God. We have incredible access to the Holy God, the Creator and Sustainer of everything. He invites us to come to Him as a child comes to a loving father, to crawl up on His lap and experience His loving embrace.

But, as the sentence continues, we see that God is also a Holy King. He is separate from us, above us. Other passages of Scripture admonish us to fear God. He has a will that we are to abide by and our own wills are at war with His will. We are to align ourselves with His will not fashion God to our own liking.

Herein lies the tension. Yes, God is an approachable, loving Father, but He is also a Holy, Righteous God who is far above us and separate from us. If we lean too far to one side or the other, we have an inaccurate understanding of God. If we err too far to the approachable Father aspect of God’s character, we may not have a healthy fear or respect for God. We might also act or continue in some sort of sinful behavior because “God will forgive me.” When taken to an extreme, we can begin to view God as a benevolent grandfather who loves to have us sit on his lap so he can pat us on the head and give us candy. It’s not just individuals who can fall into this faulty thinking. Churches who are too heavily skewed toward the approachable Father aspect of God’s character can give people the impression that God loves them just the way they are (which is true), and that they can stay just the way they are.

If we err too far to the Holy King aspect of God’s character, we can fall into a performance mindset–that God is primarily concerned about our good behavior, and that He somehow loves us more because of it. We might be riddled with guilt over our sin and feel like He can’t (or shouldn’t) forgive us. At the most extreme, we can begin to view God as distant from us “way up there” and that He is just waiting for us to make a mistake so He can hurl a giant lightning bolt to zap us. Again, churches can fall into this type of faulty thinking and begin to preach a message of legalism and adherence to a bunch of rules out of fear of the judgement of God. People in churches who lean heavily in this direction can end up with people who have no intimacy with God–no personal connection with Him. This is, of course, just as dangerous as the opposite scenario.

I grew up in an environment that leaned pretty far toward God as a Holy King. Let’s just say there were a lot of rules and, honestly, I can’t remember anyone speaking of their personal relationship with God. It was more about the things we didn’t or shouldn’t do–even if there wasn’t a verse of Scripture that addressed the issue. It was an environment that emphasized outward performance over inward transformation. As a result, to this day, I am skewed slightly more toward God as a Holy King than as an approachable Father. Sometimes I am uncomfortable around people who lean a little more toward God being an approachable Father and I am tempted to pull out my virtual “list of acceptable behaviors for Christians” from my past. I am learning that this is another area of perpetual tension that I must hold in balance.

What about you? How do you view God–more as an approachable Father or more as a Holy King?